Life coaching has historically been a mysterious industry with many myths surrounding it. Some people assume that life coaches are just unqualified therapists or counselors, leeching off the vulnerable and spreading hyped-up pseudo-science. Others perceive life coaching as some form of new-age mumbo-jumbo or the shilling of common sense to unsuspecting recipients. However, understanding the reality of life coaching reveals a significantly different picture.

The reality of life coaching is that it encompasses much more than what skeptics and even some practicing life coaches give it credit for. Just like in any other industry, there are true experts who are dedicated to their craft, skilled salespeople who may not necessarily have the depth of expertise they claim, and non-experts who hide behind a facade of certified ‘professionalism’.

Effective life coaching involves a structured process where trained professionals help clients set and achieve personal and professional goals through tailored guidance and support. This approach emphasizes accountability, self-awareness, and actionable strategies, distinguishing life coaching from mere motivational speeches or superficial advice. By acknowledging the reality of life coaching, we can better appreciate the genuine value it offers in helping individuals transform their lives.

Reality of Life Coaching

Life coaching is more than just a series of techniques or communication skills. It’s a methodical process through which people can be empowered to define, quantify and exceed meaningful long-term goals that they set for themselves, personally or professionally. Life coaching is the process of equipping people to evaluate themselves objectively, and beyond self-sabotaging thinking or behavioural habits that undermine their ability to achieve goals. It involves getting under peoples’ skin to learn the value they have to offer and identify what’s holding them back.

Life coach isn’t a term that standardises all who call themselves a life coach. Some people call themselves a life coach after reading a book on the subject, while others study psychology, philosophy, and develop their understanding of human behavior for years before attempting to coach others. I came across a man once who called himself a “life coach,” but all he really wanted to do was advance his network marketing business. The term “life coach” is often abused by people with ill intentions. Unfortunately, not all who call themselves a life coach can actually help people to improve their lives.

Life coaching isn’t something you do

Life coaching isn’t something that you do; it’s something that flows out of you. An aptitude to help people set wise future goals and make wise decisions is at the heart of every life coaching relationship. And integrity is crucial to this. You cannot congruently coach people in generating positive life, career or relationship outcomes that you haven’t first generated for yourself.

When you grasp something, you have it in your hands and know what it feels like. You can read about Covid-19 or the common flu, but you cannot comprehend these things until you have had an experience of them. In the same way, until you comprehend the principles of life coaching and the attitudes you must embody before you can earn your coachees trust, you can not understand what life coaching truly is. Your coachee’s willingness to be open and honest with you depends solely on your readiness to show integrity, wisdom, and realness through your personality, communicating and non-verbal presence.

The life areas people struggle with most are those in which they haven’t been educated. Sadly, school rarely teaches people how to design a fulfilling life, become self-aware, build healthy relationships, identify our strengths, contribute to society, or live with intentional purpose. Take the story of a stranger who arrived at a village on a horse. He made a scene and created a poor first impression on the villagers by galloping through the market square chaotically, weaving throughout people and stalls at high speed.

Villagers quickly dispersed from the scene to avoid being trampled by the horse. The stranger’s utter disregard for others’ safety enraged a village elder, who stormed into the market square and yelled at the stranger, “Where are you going in such a hurry?” The horse continued, undeterred whilst the stranger, desperately clinging to the horse’s reins, nervously exclaimed, “I have no idea! Perhaps you should ask the horse.”

Much like the horse, many people navigate their way through life rushing aimlessly, busy and unaware of where they’re going and what their end destination is. The faulty logic behind the majority of people’s ‘busyness’ is that if they continue to work quickly and diligently, they will reach a ‘good’ end destination. Some people never set their focus on a clear end direction or purpose and believe that their path is set by external factors beyond their control.

Other people waste the best years of their life viewing the purpose of life as nothing more than enjoying the ride itself – which is why many people end up feeling so disenfranchised and dissatisfied. People live life in different ways because life comes with no rulebook or prescribed way of ‘doing life’ in a purposeful, satisfying or rewarding way. This leaves most people to guesswork.

Most people want to improve their lives

Most people want to improve their lives, but not all people are ready to. Some people resist driving change in their lives through making excuses such as “I don’t know how to change” or “I tried to change but it didn’t work”. ‘Trying’ is nothing more than wanting credit for something that you never intended to do (as highlighted by Master Yoda in Star Wars: “Do, or do not. There is no try”).

In truth, many people only commit to making positive lifestyle improvements once they’ve hit ‘rock bottom’ hard enough, and once their desire to change is greater than their desire to remain exactly the same as they currently are. Most often, people turn to a life coach after they’ve decided to take control of their lives and improve it in some positive way.

• People need to decide upon a direction for their life.
• People need to choose a meaningful vocation or career.
• People need to set meaningful objectives for their future.
• People need to know who they are and who they can become.

Life coaching is about encouraging people to live their best lives. With the help of a good coach, people can turn their needs into a compelling vision with clearly defined goals and action steps to be taken. A life coach is not responsible for answering people’s questions or suggesting how life might be lived meaningfully. Rather, the purpose of life coaching should always be to help people ask the right questions, find their own answers and make wise decisions that align with their goals or priorities.

The best possible outcome of a life coaching relationship is a ‘coachee’ who is wiser, more mature, responsible, stronger, more decisive and consistent than they were before coaching first commenced. You will help people to mature in their decision making to the same degree that you are mature in yours. 

There are two choices: to accept life’s circumstances as they are, or take responsibility for changing them. Life coaching must always centre around achieving goals and never be about boosting peoples self-esteem or helping them happiness. Rather, it involves holding people accountable for creating their desired outcomes for themselves. People become empowered on taking responsibility for the role that their attitude and actions have played in creating their current outcomes. Thus, effective life coaching is reflective, in that it holds up a mirror and exposes the role people often play in sabotaging themselves.

A competent life coach

A competent life coach will ask questions that encourage people to think about their beliefs, worldviews, and find solutions to problems that they may not have yet identified. Coaching is the process of unlocking a person’s readiness to take responsibility for creating their ideal future outcomes, scaling up their performance and facilitating their own learning.

Most people don’t need to be taught, managed or counselled – they just need to be unleashed. As this is where you can fill a gap in people’s lives, including business people, entrepreneurs, parents, students, those in a career change or looking for a more purpose-driven way of living life. But all of this requires a standard of competency, and integrity from those who practice.

In this article, we have drawn inspiration from the “Ultimate Life Coaching Handbook” by renowned coach and personal development expert, Kain Ramsay. His understanding of human behavior and passion for empowering others have led to the formulation of essential principles that transform lives.