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Gary J Stearman

CBT based Lifecoaching

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With my background of addiction based coaching, These clients usually also have a number of "feeling issues" (depression, anxiety, stress, anger) I find that the cognitive approach now works best in most coaching environments.

Basic coaching is based on the decision to change. that change requires a cognitive application to succeed

The biggest challenge to change is self-discipline, without it, we are unlikely to succeed.

Even in more advanced coaching scenarios a return to basics often brings great clarity.  

So I'm wondering if theirs any other members that use a similar approach?

It would be great to know your thoughts as I plan on hosting some Zoom events (online discussions) around this subject 🤠

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I like to get people out of their head and into their body.  When they feel it, they connect easily into their sub conscious.

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Interesting post Gary,

Certainly, self-discipline is a challenge to change and yet I think to have self-discipline you first have to have self-acceptance and understand your own level of self-worth. Without these self-discipline is unlikely to happen, in my opinion of course 🙂

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I believe that it is not possible to coach someone, unless they are committed to the process. That is why it is always necessary to work on the awareness of the client and that is based in the basics as Gary already said. This has to be always present. In my opinion that is the core of the whole coaching process. Despite of the topic/issue/problem, if the person is not committed, we can use all our knowledge, coaching skills, and unconditional acceptance, it wont matter.

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4 hours ago, David said:

I believe that it is not possible to coach someone, unless they are committed to the process. That is why it is always necessary to work on the awareness of the client and that is based in the basics as Gary already said. This has to be always present. In my opinion that is the core of the whole coaching process. Despite of the topic/issue/problem, if the person is not committed, we can use all our knowledge, coaching skills, and unconditional acceptance, it wont matter.

Agreed. That is why establishing expectations and reframing what a successful session looks like is one of the first things that I do upon beginning a client/coach relationship.

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Change only ever occurs when a persons desire to change becomes greater than heir desire to remain the same. Unfortunately, some people who struggle with their addictions choose to prioritise the instant gratification which comes from their 'tipple' instead of exercising the self-control that is required to bring the lasting change that they hope for into their lives.

I learned this hard lesson a few years ago, not to commit time to people who haven't already made a committed decision to change and taken at least a few action steps in the right direction.

When people are ready to change, they will most certainly change!

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An interesting topic, I have found one thing that I am coming back to all the time and that is motivation. I am now in a process of trying to learn how it would be possible to achieve enough self-motivation in a person to start the process of self-change. That means accepting therapy and wanting the change. especially in the people that are stuck in a cycle of hospitals and therapies and other things for years with no results. I have found that motivation to do things by themselves often disappears the minute they are on their own. I think this is one of the biggest issues. I know that not all of the people want the change, but that is what I would like to change find as many ways to motivate people to help themselves as possible. I have a personal opinion that everyone has a motivational point that can be triggered..... I know that is why I am a dreamer.

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On 7/11/2018 at 12:30 PM, Andy said:

An interesting topic, I have found one thing that I am coming back to all the time and that is motivation. I am now in a process of trying to learn how it would be possible to achieve enough self-motivation in a person to start the process of self-change. That means accepting therapy and wanting the change. especially in the people that are stuck in a cycle of hospitals and therapies and other things for years with no results. I have found that motivation to do things by themselves often disappears the minute they are on their own. I think this is one of the biggest issues. I know that not all of the people want the change, but that is what I would like to change find as many ways to motivate people to help themselves as possible. I have a personal opinion that everyone has a motivational point that can be triggered..... I know that is why I am a dreamer.

True, everyone has a trigger somewhere, hidden layers deep or ready to surface as per where they are on the journey. It's also a personal responsibility for each one to seek, discover, want, decide to contribute towards the finding... my experiences lead me to devote my precious time and energies to those who have it pretty close to the surface. I'm a wee bit tired of all that digging!🙄

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Interesting topic Gary!  My feeling is for effective and lasting change to take place, the client has to first acknowledge that he/she has a problem, and then must have a strong desire, and commitment to actually follow through, and do something about it. So many people lack awarenes of and insight into their problems, and are often in denial. A supportive, empathic, understanding, and disciplined approach to coaching, will also go a long way to facilitating change in the client. The client also needs to start being accountable and responsible for the decisions he/she makes.

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On 7/11/2018 at 11:30 AM, Andy said:

An interesting topic, I have found one thing that I am coming back to all the time and that is motivation. I am now in a process of trying to learn how it would be possible to achieve enough self-motivation in a person to start the process of self-change. That means accepting therapy and wanting the change. especially in the people that are stuck in a cycle of hospitals and therapies and other things for years with no results. I have found that motivation to do things by themselves often disappears the minute they are on their own. I think this is one of the biggest issues. I know that not all of the people want the change, but that is what I would like to change find as many ways to motivate people to help themselves as possible. I have a personal opinion that everyone has a motivational point that can be triggered..... I know that is why I am a dreamer.

Hi Andy

Thanks for your reply.

Lack of motivation is usually caused by the delay option."ill do it later" or "tomorrow".

Like getting up in the morning ,if you delay an think, it's quite likely you still be snoozing an hour later.

The trick is to crack on with it.. "" i can start that project NOW.

Everyone can stay dreaming. It's your choice to be one of them. 😊

 

 

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Hi Gary

Thank you for a great topic!

I agree with you, that is one of the reasons that set us back, however, I feel that that is only the excuse that people use due to lack of motivation. I have found out that usually (of course in my personal experience) the order of things is lack of motivation following by excuse to not do things as I can do this tomorrow.  I am finding out that one of the biggest reason for no results until the next session is that people are motivated and in sync when the therapist or a coach is there but when they are alone al that is gone.  I agree that people need to realise with our help also that they are the ones that need to change and start doing things, however at the moment I have a particularly hard case where this motivation does not come to a person.  I know that there is a limit to where we can help, unfortunately, I am that sort of a person, that thinks that no one is beyond help and for all, we can find a way to motivate. I know that can get me into trouble, but that is why I started this journey, not to give up on anybody.

 

Hi Tina

Thank you for your reply

I agree with you it is somewhat tiring to dig deep and hard, however, I guess my Achilles tendon is, that I feel that I want to help all by finding a better way to their problems and that no one is beyond help. That is the reason why I started on this path. I do agree with you, yes sometimes we all ask ourselves if after a certain time it is still worth our time, however, I fell that it is. It is what we do after all. Non the less I agree that sometimes it is hard.

Of course, this are my tendencies and opinions only. I know that there will be a time that I have to step away from someone, I agree with Kain on that one. Sometimes you just have to, but that won't stop me from learning an trying to find a way even to these type of clients. I went into this to help and finding ways to help people tear down their walls and motivate them. I think that that is what it is that we do.

 

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