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Showing content with the highest reputation since 08/24/2018 in all areas

  1. 8 points
    Hi @Karen Armstrong I’ve found mindfulness very helpful with this, though it takes time and persistence to develop the habit of continual awareness to the point where a person can consistently catch the activation of an emotional trigger and choose how (or whether) to respond to it. I can say from personal experience that the benefits of developing the habit of mindfulness make the effort to do so very well worth it. That is why I start and end every coaching session with a short (3 minutes) mindfulness meditation. It’s the first thing I share with a client and most of them go on to use it regularly throughout their day. So far no one has told me they don’t like it or that it isn’t helpful for them. My partner is often very reactive and will fly into a rage at the slightest thing. This happens usually when she is in pain, which is not uncommon as she has a range of autoimmune conditions that cause joint inflammation. With that going on she finds it hard to be mindful and to catch an emotional trigger before it’s taken control. I’ve found that I can help by doing the mindfulness thing for her, reminding her (gently!) when she’s been triggered. Sometimes that works, and sometimes she just gets angry with me. But I’ve learned not to let her anger trigger me - mindfulness again! - and just to respond with unconditional love no matter what she says or does. That always works, eventually.
  2. 7 points
    Hello all, since April, I have been on a journey to becoming a Co-Facilitator (eventually a full Facilitator) for an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy based Mindfulness program, called Balance, geared to substance abuse prevention, but with room for many other places where such a support group can help, such an anxiety, anger, etc. Tonight was the last time I went to sit in the group, and have now officially begun my full training to becoming a facilitator of my own meeting group. I am one of the "first generation" of facilitators trained for the program, as it was codified here in my city by a group of therapists, Chaplins, non-profit directors, etc. I am excited to be part of it, and working in the group has had its own affect on me as I continued my commitment to reaching a place where I can perhaps help others through life in a mindful way. I will keep you all up to date as I go further in my journey.
  3. 6 points
    This past week, I have encountered numerous cases of amazing people playing small in their lives. They clearly are not seeing how absolutely amazing they are and are therefore robbing the world of their talents & light. For those of you who have been there and overcome it, please comment below offering insight/advise to those that need encouragement!! For those of you vulnerable enough to share your current fears/insecurities in search of guidance, please comment on this post!! Warning - Viewers' Discretion is Advised This video contains an abundance of passion and may not be suitable for all viewers.
  4. 6 points
    I'm that person who sees value in giving love and kindness indiscriminately! I'm that person who believes that we are all connected and I am honoured when presented with opportunities to help another. I'm that person that believes by helping others, I am actually helping myself. I'm the person who loves to encourage others to express their own truths! Tell me.. who were you created to be?
  5. 6 points
    @Graham Nicholls You've nailed it there, the diagnosis and the lists don't matter, it is what the individual do with it. As @Candy1966 is doing! What gets me about personality disorders is the amount of them. I refrain to bring up the diagnosis with most people as it is very easily misunderstood. @Beth Gray When my psychiatrist diagnosed me with AVPD, she told me "it isn't impossible to overcome it, but it is very difficult" and that is how I see it for the most part. (I know it may seem harsh for a psychiatrist to even use the word "impossible" but I felt a thrive from this) I hope I will progress to a point I don't relate to that label anymore but I can see, just from looking back from how I have reacted to the past week, that it is present. Not as consuming as years before but it's there. To be 100% with you, if I really felt it could not be dealt with, that it would be impossible to overcome, then I would be lost.
  6. 6 points
    What you are talking about in CBT terms are called as ANTs Automatic Negative Thoughts. They are to be disputed and then replaced by Rational Automatic Thoughts RATs. Not easy but following ABCDEF and giving homework changes the ANTs to RATs over time. The key is to keep reinforcing the rational thoughts over and over. Coping cards with RAT statements help.
  7. 6 points
    For me, Spirituality is my connection with the essence of who I am vs. my mind and/or my body. It's the knowing we are all one in the same, = energy, and for that reason can never be destroyed. It's the understanding at a heart-level that I am here for a specific purpose and can only ever be truly happy when I am living it. That my traumas, 'mistakes' and misfortunes were all gifts as they collectively altered my path to get me to exactly where I am today!! There's nowhere else I'd rather be!! I believe my body is my 'vehicle' for this lifetime and that I must respect and care for it, however, when it eventually dies, I will still go on. I have also learned I am not my thoughts. Although I can't prevent thoughts from arising, I fully own that it's my choice alone that determines what happens with them. I can hear others, therefore they are not me. I can hear my thoughts and therefore they are not me either. When I finally found this connection I was freed from the majority of the suffering I was experiencing in life. I now live in peace with an abundance of love for myself, others, nature, animals and the entire Universe. 'Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those that have already been there' ~ Vine Deloria, Sioux Cheers!
  8. 6 points
    The first time I could be real spiritual was the moment I wasn't into a religion. I might sound harsh but for me religion and spirituality have nothing in common. A religion is an institution outside of who I am, while spirituality comes from the inside of who we are. When you "peel off" the religions, you find the simple principles that Jesus, Mohamed, Buddha and many other spiritual leaders taught at their times, and those are actually the core of the spirituality. After that, there are just a bunch of rituals that almost never have anything to do with the way we can live our lives in a spiritual way. Spiritual for me is believing that we are part of something bigger that goes beyond ourselves, that we are powerful without limits and that that power comes from our core.
  9. 5 points
    "Fundamentally, the work of a psychologist is to take someone from pathology and dysfunction and return him to normality. The work of a coach is to take someone who is normal and help her become exceptional." - Stephen G. Farley
  10. 5 points
    One of the most common problems my clients have is reactivity / emotional triggering. Human minds are made up of a logical component and an emotional component (wise mind model in Kain Ramsay's courses explains this in detail). In moments of reactivity and/or panic they have been emotionally triggered and the flood of emotion flushed out the logic leaving them 100% reactive. These are the moments when someone 'over-reacts', turns to self-sabotaging behaviors, turns to junk food (emotional eating), drugs or alcohol for comfort, etc... Generally the behavior they are trying to stop, and can't, is the reaction to the trigger(s) therefore in order to help them solve their problem(s) permanently, you have to identify the root cause of their surface problem(s) (i.e. the trigger) and bring it up to the level of conscious awareness so it can be set free. So what's the solution? ... Reintroduce logic asap!! ...sounds simple - right?? ... Well it's not.. Have any of you been faced with this in your practice / personal life? What strategies and/or tools have you found to be effective?
  11. 5 points
    A while ago, I had completely lost my spiritual side. I didn't even believe that there was such a thing. I lost my faith (being raised Catholic) and I stopped looking for anything remotely spiritual. However, in one of my "darkest" moments, when I wasn't sure about anything in my life, moving in circles, wondering, what the hell was I supposed to do with my life, and why nothing was working out in it, my girlfriend at that time, who has a strong faith in God (the Catholic one), told me that she was worried about me, since I didn't believe in anything and maybe I should start doing some soul searching. "There muss be something more powerful that us, don't you think David?" Naaaah. I don't think so..., I replied. Nevertheless I start asking myself, if I was missing something in my life... Long story short, I found Budha and that changed my life. In fact, that is one of the reasons I am in this path right now. Finding the teachings of Buddha opened my life to a whole new perspective of how I can live my life in a very spiritual way and find a higher power, greater than myself, without being religious. Through this new discovery, I found great peace and power. I would never say that I am a Buddhist, since I haven't committed to that path, however, every time I include some of this way of life into mine, this gives me enormous joy and fulfillment. I would love to know, if there are some people who would like to talk about this topic?, since these teachings are so in sync with all the things that we talk and do here. I see Buddha not as a religious figure, but as a teacher and a mentor, like Viktor Frankel, Gerarld Egan and of course the one and only Mr @Kain Ramsay I'd love to here and discuss this topic with you. happy Sunday everybody.
  12. 5 points
    Love like it is & let the good times roll....
  13. 5 points
    Spiritual weekends lead to calm Mondays😊 lead to serene weeks😉
  14. 5 points
    Hi Graham, thank you for taking the time to comment!! ☺️ The Socratic questioning I use in the session but I'm not there in the moments they are being triggered/activated so I created a tool to carry on the work until no longer needed. I use my 'trigger' cards to bring conscious awareness and choice to those moments as they are happening. It's also a tool once they use for one 'problem' in their life, they can apply to all others for instant (and free!) improvement. Dr. Sani referred to coping cards. I'm thinking that's what I created. Thanks again!!
  15. 5 points
    Hi @Ewan Fleck, Whether you call it a diagnosis or label doesn’t matter, whether you call it a personality disorder or behavioural disorder doesn’t matter, it is someone somewhere trying to group people together in nice little packs even though we are all different. However, what does matter is what you do with it and I have to say that your description of how you are using what you’ve learned is fantastic! You are using it as a driver to overcome those behaviours and bring about change in yourself..... I applaud you sir! Forget about the lists and focus on improving a bit each day.
  16. 5 points
    Thanks SO much for pointing me in the technical term direction to look into it more! I just combined what learnings I have had with my own common sense, intuition and personal experiences to apply it to my clients' situations. I have developed cards I use with them as well as highlight the need for self-realizations in the moments they are triggered (or in CBT terms having those ANTs). Awareness of it happening is the first step... Do you have a particular article / paper / website etc.. that covers the topic well? Otherwise 'll just hit up google.. Thanks again! Much appreciated!! ☺️
  17. 5 points
    'The true Master isn't the one with the most students. The true Master is the one who creates the most Masters' -Neale Donald Walsch ~~ How do you actively participate in helping others to embrace 'Personal Mastery'?
  18. 4 points
    I'm preparing to work my way through the life balance workbook and the amount of initial resistance my subconscious is throwing out is astonishing! Bring it.
  19. 4 points
    What is your view on personality disorders? There is a trend at Achology regarding labels and I'm curious as to how the community interpret "personality disorders" as there are quite a few. I can't see a consistent list of them online but there is the trend of 'groups' of disorders; suspicious types, emotional & impulsive types, and anxious types. I was diagnosed with Anxious Avoidant Personality Disorder by an NHS psychiatrist and I genuinely found it a relief to be diagnosed with it, at the time. Previous psychiatrists were looking to treat me for depression, and then anxiety in later years. So, having being diagnosed AVPD I did feel more clear as to what my issues were, at least of the underlying themes to my behaviour. Has the diagnosis helped me in feeling better? I don't know. I feel the diagnosis has shown how I have been stubborn to a lot of help in the past despite the fact that I've been going out of my way to find help. Speaking for myself, I don't believe I have used this label as an excuse to my actions but more of an understanding of past ones. It also gives me a drive on behaviours to overcome, which is thrilling to think about but always terrifying upon action. I'm just curious of what your experiences around personality disorders will have been, whether personal or professional, and what you make of the terms. That some lists contain 10 and others 14, doesn't help in the clarity of them.
  20. 4 points
    It’s a question that virtually everyone has inside them and I see it so often in family and friends as well as clients. We might language it in different ways, we may call it any number of things and yet it all comes down to one big question. It is a question usually born in us very early in life (I know it was for me) and it stays with us throughout our stay on this planet. Even when we think we have it conquered it occasionally creeps back up to say hello. Our best way out or through it is to not negotiate with it, to keep going no matter how many times it pops up and raises its ugly head. For each time we carry on and break through it we diminish its power and establish our strength. In my humble opinion this is the one question that is responsible for many people not living their life on their terms, instead they live a life of fear or unhappiness covered with a fake smile that says “everything is fine” While the road is tough and filled with obstacles, let me assure you that you can keep going along whatever path you choose. As you step up, face to face, with this question know that you are stronger than you have ever imagined, that you can create a different more empowering answer than you ever have before and scream at the top of your voice, over and over again “YES I AM” and then march forward towards the life you want. So the question for you to answer today is this (remembering the answer from the last paragraph) Are you good enough?
  21. 4 points
    @Bernard Kates , thanks SO much for sharing!!! yes yes yes, mindfulness is 100% the key but recognizing and overcoming triggers does not have to take time... at least not in my experience thus far... I'd love to chat with you about it in the event I can help you and your partner!! Autoimmune diseases are torture, I know a lot about it, but banishing triggers will give your partner more energy and life to deal with the things that your partner can't control. I love the incorporating mindfulness meditation to sessions and may give it a try!! Thanks again! ☺️
  22. 4 points
    Hi Karen, In the REBT model of ABC (which went on to become the CBT model) the triggering event is point A = Activation, the Emotional reaction is the C = Consequences and what controls that is their Beliefs (B) about the Activation. Discovering on and working on their beliefs about that activating event and replacing them with rational beliefs is what brings about lasting change. The tool From REBT that I use the most tends to be Socratic Questionning..... au know Kain has that in a couple of his courses!
  23. 4 points
    We are all spiritual beings, having human experiences. You can think of the human experience as a school. Religion would have us believe the opposite. Religion would have us believe that we are humans aspiring to a spiritual existence. Nothing could be further from the truth. This body is simply the atmosphere suit we each need to survive in this world. Does an astronaut identify their space suit as who they are? No. Neither should we. Tucked within this body is a shard of the divine. That is who we are... who we have been for millennia. We each chose the details of this life, this lesson plan, for ourselves before incarnating. We chose those things that would help us grow the most without breaking us. So in reality, rather than being small, insignificant creatures who lack the understanding to grow, we are actually the architects of our reality, before during and after this classroom experience. In my opinion, religion is a man-made construct designed specifically to keep us from this knowledge.
  24. 4 points
    Hey Shannon, Hope you are well, as Graham as mentioned I have worked with guys with a military background in the past, however not my main focus at the moment. First of all, I agree with @Dr. Tarique Sani trust yourself, follow the standard of are they open, appreciative and receptive to making the changes in their life. You mentioned hey suffered from PTSD from time to time, the question is when is the time he doesn't have it? What is that like? I would tend to steer them away from this label and not validate this PTSD label and help focus on who he is? focusing on the values that this person holds. Constantly moving away from the past and focusing what he wants based on the values he holds close to his heart. I would treat this client the same as any other, remain consistent and don't get bogged down in the war stories too much, focus on helping them with a vision or purpose for their future. The question is does he just want to feel better or become better? I would question his desire to change, is it bigger than staying the same. The fact he is waiting 2 months, seems it is not a priority. Kain also has a free course for military personnel on udemy, if I can find the link I will post it here, this may help you get a better understanding of military personnel. Hope this helps Stevie
  25. 4 points
    I've been thinking of my site "Mind Mentors" Quite catchy and easy to remember.