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  2. BernardK

    Response Rehearsal

    It’s a challenge, Xander. I believe the cure for this is mindfulness. Through being mindful of what was going on at your lunch, you were able to observe the others and get a real appreciation of how endemic it is. Through your own mindfulness you were able to avoid getting drawn in to behaving in that way yourself, at least to begin with. I have tried to tackle this issue with a group of my colleagues, with limited success. I started out by drawing their attention to the problem, and they all agreed with me that it is a problem because it stifles the real exchange of ideas. We even had a few really productive meetings, and I thought we were making great progress. Then we had to deal with some very contentious matters in which many had strong opinions and a lot of emotional involvement, and we immediately went back to the bad old ways. I drew attention to it again, and they agreed with me again, and then carried on talking over each other, interrupting each other and generally failing to hold any kind of meaningful conversation! I still persist with this group because I care about them and I know that every one of them has a great deal of wisdom to contribute, but it’s hard work sometimes. I do think though that after a couple of years of working on this we certainly are improving in our communicating within the group. So in my opinion you need to make the others in the conversation aware of what they’re doing, get their agreement that it is a problem, then pull them up whenever they revert to their old ways. Because this is a habit that’s so deeply ingrained in many people it’s not something that can be quickly fixed.
  3. Kain Ramsay

    How Active is your Listening?

    Most people consider themselves good listeners without understanding the important differences between hearing and listening. We are all typically born with the ability to hear, but the ability to listen is a different matter - it is a skill that is difficult to master and requires time and patience to develop. Listening is vital in developing and maintaining healthy relationships. When interacting with others, it can be very easy to get distracted. We are naturally prone to becoming pre-occupied by our own thoughts and emotions. If a person is talking to us, it's often all too easy to get distracted and not pay close attention to what the other person is saying. We may get distracted by what is going on around us, by whatever we're thinking about, or even by what we want to say next. This can become particularly damaging in relationships because important pieces of communication can be lost. Active listening requires our conscious effort to hear not only the words that the other person is saying but, more importantly, doing our best to understand the complete message they're attempting to communicate. So do you let information go in one ear and out the other, or are you a thoughtful, actively engaged listener?
  4. BernardK

    Do you have an accountability buddy?

    Uh-oh... Umm, no one. And I’m a world champion procrastinator, too! I do absolutely see the need for an accountability buddy and have performed that role for others in my time, so yes Graham I’m up for it.
  5. François Bélanger

    Psicotic people have good intentions?!

    Is it not what we call a Narcissistic pervert? A psychotic can have good intentions. Just think of the "I'm Jesus" case. But it can be more pervert. A person of "good intention" can be an active shooter killing lots of people. The intention, he sees internally is "I must kill them all or they will kill my family." The intention is "good" it to protect is family. But the result is totally bad. The intention can be "good" but the logic behind it totally flawed because of the persecution psychosis. Psychosis is a logic modifier inside the mind of the person living it. So to judge the intention, we must think like them using their logic.
  6. BernardK

    What has Achology done well so far?

    I’m loving what I’m seeing here on the Achology site. It’s much better than Facebook in my opinion. I never could get the hang of how posts on there were ordered, so I would frequently want to go back to something I’d read a day or two earlier and not be able to find it. No such issues here. Thanks Kain and the team. You’re doing a great job and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
  7. Gary J Stearman

    Method of Note taking during a session

    Hi Sue. I would think that using IPAD is fine, Just explain to the client in advance and ask their agreement, remember that digital notes may come under laws related to personal information. bu information, Like any notetaking, it can prove distracting to the client. 🤠
  8. I have been a little concerned about how I can best record notes during sessions. I am unable to write due to an accident some years ago and therefore limited to typing or recording sessions. I record hypnotherapy sessions ofc, but I don't like the thought of recording counselling sessions and it would take a lot of extra time having to listen to them and then take notes.. it would double the time taken for each client. Would it seem rude for me to have to use my iPad for example, to take the notes on? Does anyone here do this already? Do any of you have any suggestions on how to best tackle this in our business environment?
  9. Today
  10. Sandi Dragoi

    What draws you to the world of the Helping Practitioner?

    Hi, Graham! I love your story... and , curiosity, too! Like you, and, probably like most of our colleagues, I was driven to it by my desire to know how I function. Back in the day, I transitioned from being an artist - somewhat hippy, free, happy... always ready for the next party - to being married to a complex-sophisticated-successful businesswoman, bossy like, who shortly after our marriage became the mother of our daughters. It was a very intense shift in my personality at that moment - the late 20s - rapidly and naturally transforming who I was before meeting my whimsical married life. Because I wanted to be a great father and husband - and, mainly, because I wanted to get in sync with my personal transformation that was ON without my conscious awareness of it - I started to look for help, online. And, so I met my first mentor, about 12 years ago, who opened for me the fascinating realms of NLP. Tens of online courses, so many wonderful books, webinars, YouTube Videos and thousands of hours of daydreaming later... and relatively recently while discovering Kain's Udemy Courses and diving into some of them (NLP 1&2, Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy), I felt inspired to set up my own Helping Practice, which is a labor of love for me. So, it started as something I did for me... and, it feels so amazing to be able to share it and be useful to others, too. Be well, my friend.
  11. Cheryl

    Read any good books lately?

    Thanks Misty, brilliant idea to start an Achology book club. So many great books out there, and a personal recommendation is always helpful! I have been reading Marianne Williamson's book 'Tears to Triumph' Initially hesitant to purchase the book as the title sounded rather bleak! 🤔 But it has proved to be a gem! The book comes in from a psychospiritual perspective regarding the treatment of depression. I quote from her book: "To reduce depression to mere brain chemistry or psychological dynamics is to rob it of its deeper meaning and thus the redemptive potential of its healing. There is a transformational alchemy to the journey out of suffering, sometimes described more powerfully in spiturual than in psychotherapeutic or biological terms. The epidemic of depression we are seeing today should be seen for what it really is: a collective cry for the healing of our hearts. A crisis of the soul. The wisest question when we are deeply sad is not, "How can I end or numb this pain immediately?" The wisest question is, "What is the meaning of this pain?" or, What does it reveal to me? What is it calling me to understand?" Not everyone going through a rough time - is mentally ill. It's important not to minimize mental health issues, of course, but it's equally important not to pathologize normal human suffering. The truth is, life can be hard. Growing up is hard, but it's not a mental illness. Divorce is hard, but it's not a mental illness. Grieving the death of a loved one is hard, but it's not mental illness. If anything should be seen as mental illness, it's the suggestion that all deep suffering is a mental illness." Hundreds of thousands of people simply mention to their healthcare provider once or twice that times have been rough lately, and then find themselves with a medical prescription shoved into their hands." This is a relevant, profound, and thought-provoking book. A more holistic, healing and compassionate way of looking at depression. Another interesting and helpful book I am currently reading is: "Take the Step, The Bridge will be there" (Inspiration and guidance for moving your life forward) by Grace Cirocco. Publishers HarperCollins were so impressed by how many readers had been transformed and touched by this book originally published in 2001, that they decided to publish a 10th anniversary edition. The author introduces epi-genetics and neuroscience into her therapy. The bridge is a metaphor for change, getting from current situation to desired state. Quote: " The book is based on the premise of: "Take the Step - The Bridge will be there" "Action" (take the step" and "faith" ("the bridge will be there") are the two most important components for achieving anything you want in your life. Typically the problem is that if we want to take action, we don't move forward because we don't believe in ourselves. Or if we do believe in our abilities, we're too afraid to act. Rarely do we display both faith and action at the same time, and in the right mix. Many people end up feeling stuck. They can't move their lives forward because they don't have the necessary belief in themselves. They lack the connection to their magnificence, to their authenticity. It is said that knowledge is power, but knowledge that lies dormant in your brain will not move your life forward. It's what you do, with what you know, that will make the difference in your life. The moment your brain sends the message "Move your feet, is the moment when you walk across the bridge and change your life forever. What will it take for you to finally act? When the author refers to faith, it is not in the Biblical sense, but rather the need to believe in our gifts, talents, dreams, desires and our highest purpose. Taking action buils bridges to possibilities. Action nurtures self-esteem and self-respect. When we stare down fear and take action, our lives can be transformed from ordinary to extraordinary. The paradox is this: In order to take action and 'DO' , we must first learn how to 'BE' (this implies self-belief, confidence in your ability to do). The gateway to action is the powerful states of being, that I will discuss in the next five chapters. Yes, you must ACT, but you must align youir compass with what is most sacred to you. (your personal values, your vision). This can be done only by exploring who you ARE. NURTURING FAITH: 'At your most daring moments you believe that what is going on, is the ultimate human work - the shaping of a soul. The power of life comes from within; go there, pray, meditate. Reach for those luminous places in your Self. Ardis Whitman This is not a Christian or religious book, but rather a psychospritual book written by a Life Coach. Both books come highly recommended for raising your consciousness , awareness, insight, and providing additional coaching, counselling techniques and methodologies.
  12. Thank you and I agree, don't get me started, that is why I appreciate this site even more and all the work it is put into it by all. It is another step in the right direction where we can change the world where children can be happy, satisfied, loved, fed and encouraged. Where there could be no more poweerty and hunger and war and so on. I do dream of that day, though it may never come in my lifetime, I will still do my best to start the ball rolling.
  13. Neil

    Psicotic people have good intentions?!

    @Soniacrafts I've been talking about something similar on this thread: An interesting topic which has generated some top responses.
  14. Graham Nicholls

    What draws you to the world of the Helping Practitioner?

    Thank you for sharing Andy, There is often a common theme among Helping Practitioners and that is that we want to change the world! Imagine if we all took a piece and gave it our all, the things we could achieve!!
  15. Certified Life Coaching Professional & Counsellor

    All my adult life, as a lecturer, teacher, mentor, creative visionary and Philanthropist, I’ve been empowering people to break through the obstacles that seem to be holding them back in their lives.

    After a series of crises in my own life, I realized that experience is indeed the mother of all Wisdom. Surviving and indeed thriving cannot be learnt from any book. It comes from TAKING BACK the power, taking back the responsibility to empower your own change. This comes from recognizing  and REALizing your own resilience and strength and releasing the self-limiting and self defeating thoughts that prevent you from fulfilling your own potential. Letting go of baggage, whether it's a dead end career, relationship, and striving for fulfillment. 


  16. Andy

    Psicotic people have good intentions?!

    In my opinion, no one is born to be a bully or to harm people. We are all born innocent and what happens to us in life is what makes us who we are. For an example, if you would be born in the midst of middle east conflict or let's say war, for you growing up would be normal to see torture and death and in that sense when you would come to a normal country with no war your reactions would be based on what life thought you before. Let's say you would have caught someone stealing your food. For you it would be with no bad intentions normal to cut that mans hand off, that would not mean you wont to do it or your like it, but since you have grown up looking at this it would be for you normal and perfectly acceptable reaction. Let's say you would be born into a rich family where your whole family would treat people like they are better than them like they are more than others. Then this would be what you know, you doing the same things is what you have learned and kids learn from observing. that doesn't mean you are mean or evil or bad it just means you don't know different. We should all apply kids observation skills in today's life. That is why I always say don't judge educate. We all react differently to the same traumatic experience. That is why some of us can learn and help others and others need a little bit more help to overcome this experiences. We don't know what people we encounter have gone through, maybe the boss who is bullying all had a father that did that to him and he doesn't know any different. Or maybe he was bullied in school and has seen that they got away with it, so he decided that it is the best thing to do to become a bully to protect himself. And since people let other people go too far for too long, these people sometimes don't even know how badly they are treating people after all. So no one is born evil or bad or has any bad intentions, I call this "Life Happens" we are what we are through our experiences, our environment, our friends and family and so on. When you understand where the person is coming from that is when you can help. Of course, only my humble opinion and I am learning in the lifetime university so.
  17. Cheryl

    Starting Up Building a Business

    LOL ~ i sure can relate Kain! 😊
  18. Soniacrafts

    Psicotic people have good intentions?!

    Well, now I think I understand it better. Not trusting but not judging. Believe me this is a challenge to me. I find it hard to accept people who disrespect others dileberatly. Gotta advance more in mindfulness course and NLP to change this view I have. I'm more judgemental Tham what I thought... But it,'s OK. Now I' m more conscient and will pay more attention to my thoughts. 😁
  19. Hi Graham This is an excellent post. I started my path about 17 years ago when I meet my wife. She was coming from an abusive background and had anxiety, depression and really bad panic attacks that were so severe, that sometimes they had to call an ambulance as she was in a cramp unable to move. So my path started so that I could help her. Her psychiatrist at the time was really not doing anything and for some things, she didn't even know how to go about. So I took this on to me to change that. Now as I am a dreamer I don't wont to see people suffer for anything! I think we need to change the world. I am also disappointed in our mental health clinics and institutions. There is to many people coming back and back again. When you see the way this goes you can see that it has to do a lot with bureaucracy and making money and not really to help people( I am definitely not saying that all people inside the system are like this of course ..Generalisation..). I had a friend who they insisted he needs to stay in the hospital to help him but the whole month he was there he was literally doing nothing. He was endlessly roaming the corridors and outside in a depressive environment, they had not given him any therapy or anything else to do. So I want to change all this. Enough of taboos and walls and judgment it is time to educate and help.
  20. Andy

    What has Achology done well so far?

    Hi Kain I would like to say thank you for this, as I feel that this way we can help each other on our way to knowledge and overcome our own barriers and problems. I feel that something like this has been long overdue, as people should be connecting all over the world and start cooperating and working towards a common good. So this is an excellent community that will expand our knowledge and expose us to more views so that we can see through other peoples eyes also. I think that there will be a lot of AHA moments for all of us inside this community. I am happy to be a part of this. So thank you for your work, teachings and help. Keep up the good work. Andy
  21. Happy Monday Everyone!

    There's a phrase that you've probably heard a few times "Where focus goes, energy flows"

    Where are your focus and energy going this week?

    1. Cheryl


      Happy Monday  Graham. Great point, thought provoking, thanks!

  22. Andy

    CBT based Lifecoaching

    Hi Gary Thank you for a great topic! I agree with you, that is one of the reasons that set us back, however, I feel that that is only the excuse that people use due to lack of motivation. I have found out that usually (of course in my personal experience) the order of things is lack of motivation following by excuse to not do things as I can do this tomorrow. I am finding out that one of the biggest reason for no results until the next session is that people are motivated and in sync when the therapist or a coach is there but when they are alone al that is gone. I agree that people need to realise with our help also that they are the ones that need to change and start doing things, however at the moment I have a particularly hard case where this motivation does not come to a person. I know that there is a limit to where we can help, unfortunately, I am that sort of a person, that thinks that no one is beyond help and for all, we can find a way to motivate. I know that can get me into trouble, but that is why I started this journey, not to give up on anybody. Hi Tina Thank you for your reply I agree with you it is somewhat tiring to dig deep and hard, however, I guess my Achilles tendon is, that I feel that I want to help all by finding a better way to their problems and that no one is beyond help. That is the reason why I started on this path. I do agree with you, yes sometimes we all ask ourselves if after a certain time it is still worth our time, however, I fell that it is. It is what we do after all. Non the less I agree that sometimes it is hard. Of course, this are my tendencies and opinions only. I know that there will be a time that I have to step away from someone, I agree with Kain on that one. Sometimes you just have to, but that won't stop me from learning an trying to find a way even to these type of clients. I went into this to help and finding ways to help people tear down their walls and motivate them. I think that that is what it is that we do.
  23. Pleased to be published today on Thrive Global ! 😃  

    6 Benefits of Being Calm   🔹  Silence is not empty - it's full of answers.

    Please read on - share 🙏 - and connect >>>   https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/35702-6-benefits-of-being-calm 

    thanking you 🌼

  24. DNatureofDTrain

    Talk on long term illness and labelling

    I know what you mean... I did the same mine at first...... then when your shock of learning about it wears off.. it is like people have this mob mentality of "What it is like to have this illness" ... "I am like no really... ya don't wanna know". And just try to get them to stop introducing me as This is so and so and they have this illness.. or this is illness Girl, Illness boy, I see that a lot too... I saw that a lot with my friend that had Cancer people always said so and so with Cancer, or Cancer boy or Cancer girl... as if the illness itself is not scary enough... All I can say is try to explain to people you do not want to focus on your illness all the time, or talk about it all the time.. it is hurting more than helping.... But I found people like to bait people into these talks too to either prey on them, or make people out to be weak... or feel worse.. I see this is a lot on the chat network I go to...
  25. Dr. Tarique Sani

    Body Language and "Friend Signals"

    @Evette Burnell Ouch!
  26. Who keeps you accountable to the goals you set and the actions you agree to? I’m lucked enough to have 2 people in my life (aside from myself keeping me accountable of course!) that help keep me on the right track. First is my wife, she has this sixth sense for asking the right question or making the right point at a key time. She 100% believes in me and what I do and wants to see that belief realised. The other is my best friend, we see life in such similar terms that we like to catch up for a coffee every couple of weeks. This gives us time to nudge each other if we need it, to keep on the right path. Do you have someone like that in your life? If not and you’d like an accountability buddy why not comment below and get together with someone on here so you can work together on keeping each other accountable! Who’s up first?
  27. Vincent Richardson - Executive, Sales, Personal Development Coach

    Body Language and "Friend Signals"

    You're making the assumption that I'm being dishonest with myself about this. Although I'm sure your intentions are fantastic, It's probably not the best thing to try to jump into a coaching framework without the consent of the person you're trying to coach.
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